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January 23, 2021 - ad hominem (adjective) - marked by an attack on character  More →
The Jaguar Renaissance

My Freshman vs Senior Year

The difference between my first day of 9th grade and my first day of 12th grade is astronomical.

Not only am I older, wiser, and more experienced, but my first first day of high school and my last first day high school were both the hardest days of all.

The first day of 9th grade was fresh. Riding the bus in my white polo, nervous and giddy, not knowing anyone or what to expect. All my friends went to one school and here I was on a bus to a school I knew nothing about and where I knew no one. The bus pulled into this huge parking lot, buses upon buses, students flowing into the school. I saw white, green, and black polos, all black jeans, and so many different faces.

The anxiety set in as my first day of high school seemed scarier than anticipated. I got through the day, talking to friends I did know and chatting with new people I’ve never before met. I went home that day satisfied, wondering how I would feel my senior year, and graduation might be like.

My first day of senior year was the worst. It was September 8th, 2020. I woke up, grabbed my phone and laptop, and sat down at my dining table. Hearing the chime of my first Zoom call of senior year, I felt my heart sink. “This is my senior year,” I thought to myself. Not knowing how to feel or what to think, I stared at the computer screen listening to my teachers do first day slideshows and talk about what to expect.

I now have less than 5 months before I graduate. I cant believe I won’t be back into the building I started in. The building I was once so nervous about and imagined all summer long before 9th grade, I now wish I could go into and enjoy (normally) one last time. Not having a true senior year inside of a school is heartbreaking, and a disadvantage to all of the class of 2021. We were robbed and we can never say we had a true senior year, because we had to enjoy it over a screen. We can’t see our peers all together one last time (at least not without masks), no last spirit week in school, and no last first’s in school.

If 9th grade me knew what my senior year was in store for, I would have enjoyed it more. However, I can safely say I enjoyed all the experiences in school, as well as over Zoom. I’m proud of myself for making it this far, through all the challenges and the struggles Covid-19 brings.

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